Really confused - can anyone give their view from what I've said?

I know how you feel. I am sorry you are going through this crap. Your wife is doing all that stuff because she is looking for some kind of attention. And also, looks like her self-esteem is down the drain. Maybe the pressure of having young kids got to her and she wants you to be there, but at the same time she wants her space. It looks like she is playing mind games with you, but i think she is just confused about her life. I think the best thing for you to do, is to tell her to either make up her mind on what she wants from you or to leave you alone and let you have your own life. Good Luck!